December 27, 2020

Matthew 6:25-27, 33-34

 “Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they are? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? …. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

This passage stirs up a lot of different emotions and thoughts for me – many of them conflicting which probably isn’t good, but, hey, it gives me food for thought. Initially, I just feel dumb. Dumb that I have to be reminded that God is God, and that God is the creator of the universe, the author of life, and He can literally do anything he wants. How do I simply let that slip my mind? Oops, I forgot today that God can do anything. What ever shall I do…? I literally don’t know. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but it happens. And for that I feel so ignorant and small. So, that’s frustrating.

The second emotion I feel is relief. Oh, thank goodness God is God, because I literally could not do that anymore. Here, God, you handle this now, thanks. What comfort it gives to be able to realize that there is nothing more for you to do, other than yearn for the Lord, and everything will be taken care of. God works all things together for our good. Since he is the creator of the universe, I have nothing to worry about. Nothing can defeat God or thwart his plans for your life, and whatever takes place, we have the confidence to know that God is with us every step of the way, according to his good and holy plan. So, actually, it removes the stress of directing and perfecting your own life because God says ‘Yo, chill out man. I’ve got this. Trust me, ride shotty, and take five. You could use it.’

But for some reason, this passage sometimes creates a new strand of anxiety within. Am I able to really just let go? It’s not as easy as Jesus makes it seem. Could he possibly understand the stress and control of today’s world? What if I let go and I don’t like what God has in store? I don’t know. This seems like a lot more work than simply saying ‘Ok God I’m done worrying.’ This for me is not simply a switch. I can’t turn on and off my desire to succeed and feel accomplished and just “Let Go and Let God” (whatever that means?). This is a fight for control of my own life, where whatever I do, I want to be amazing at it. I want to make sure that I’m thriving in every area of my life, and that I am the most diverse person with the most accolades. How do I just give that up? Like I said, this oftentimes will bring new anxiety as more unanswered questions are brought up. But I do know one thing; I’m running myself into the ground without giving my selfish desires and worries to the Lord. And then I tend to circle back around to point one. I’m dumb.

Would it surprise you though, after reading that, ^^^ that I wouldn’t consider myself an anxious person? Nope. I typically go about my life, nonchalantly chill about almost everything, gently running myself into the ground with very little warning signs. However, preparing for this trip to Africa got me anxious, twice. Twice! That must be a new record for me. I could not tell you the last time that I felt my throat tighten up due to my thoughts or worries or stress. And on two separate occasions, I thought about all that I had done and all that I had to do, and I was like oh my gosh this must be what mild anxiety feels like. I let my thoughts cloud who God said he is and I temporarily forgot that we were in this together. Wait, isn’t that a cool thought; God’s your buddy. Like your friend that goes with you everywhere, will always talk and hang out with you, but at the same time he’s the God of the universe? I don’t know, blows my mind.

Any who, I had let negative thoughts about my preparation, timeline, fundraising, and personal abilities create anxiety about coming on the trip, and I even sat on my first flight out of West Palm thinking at take-off, what am I doing here? I laid my head back on the headrest and just contemplated my life decisions for a sec. I decided that I couldn’t change my mind since we were scaling hundreds of feet in the air already, but I gave myself a second opportunity to turn back.Literally sitting in the Charlotte Airport, I looked around, waiting for my flight to D.C., and was like What if I simply just walk out of here. Miss my flight. What is anyone going to do? I determined that I would feel guilty for leaving God hanging, and I had already paid all my money so at least I should use it.

And, because he is a good God, he slapped me in the face with this passage again today. It’s nothing I haven’t read before, but it is obviously something that I needed a refreshing of. We’re about six hours into our international flight to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where we will arrive at 8 a.m. on the 28^th and then board another flight down to Lusaka, Zambia. It’s crazy to believe that this is actually happening, and I am about to be on a flight for thirteen ‘blessed’ hours, but God reminded me again today that this trip is not what I think of it. How can I be attentive to the job at hand when I am anxious about the next thing? How can I fully apply myself to this place and time when I am still withholding some insecurities from God?

Today, God simply tapped me on the shoulder and said “Hey there Micah. Super glad you’re going on the trip and was willing to obey this calling. But, for it to be even more effective, I’m going to need you to just trust me. You’ve let go of a lot to make sure that you are faithful in your words and actions, but now trust me with your thoughts. Give me all of you. Just trust me. I’ve gotten you this far. How far will you follow me until your faith is not enough? How far are you willing to go for me? I’ve already paid it all for you, so you have absolutely nothing to lose.”

            Lord, forgive me for forgetting who you are. Forgive the hard-headedness and blindness that can keep me from seeing your eternal goodness, protection, and grace. Gut me of the things that lead me astray. By your grace, guide my heart and steps so that they may follow your desire for my life and not my own. Help me to trust in you with my thoughts, words, and actions, and that I may be a tool of your love and mercy to those in Zambia. Thank you for your constant forgiveness and grace when I fall time and time again. You have never forsaken me, and I know you never will. I love you so, so much, Abba. I cannot wait for the adventure ahead!